I’m looking at marriage a lot different today than I did less than 24 hours ago. I am absolutely shaken to my core that I can feel so much for another person. A scary thought for the future is that I know the feeling is multiplied with children. I have gone through different phases of how I act in relationships over the years. For example, my husband would always joke that I was the ice queen and during the first few months of our relationship, my heart was slowly thawing out. He is a bit dramatic but not entirely wrong on this one.
Last month we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Cheers to us! I loved him so much on that day, before, after, but today is a totally new day. Yesterday my husband suffered a severe allergic reaction, to what is still a mystery and that’s a very large scary bit to all of this. I have seen allergic reactions multiple times from him as he is allergic to shellfish but loves to bend the thought of him not being allergic ever so often. But he was not to blame for yesterday. I wouldn’t say he was 100% unconscious but something like 98%. When I tried to talk to him at one point saying his name and him being completely unresponsive, I panicked a little. I said his name once more, and nothing. And just like the movies when the character shakes the person they love who has been killed by the antagonist, I physically with two hands picked up his heavy head and begged him to open his eyes and look at the medics as they arrived.
This all happened at about 12pm. I was overall calm but answering questions for paperwork about my husband as he could not brought tears to my eyes and a quivering lip. It wasn’t until 9pm when I cried. We were home for hours, he had food in his system, taken a nap (even though I looked like a new mother consistently checking on him like a new-born seeing the breathing from his chest and placing my finger under his nose to be sure), I kept the family informed and myself busy. Finally, I was done. I thought about if we went with what our original plan was for the day, the what ifs, and I can honestly say I depend on my husband. I have always thought of myself as strong and independent because my mom has been the most incredible role model for me and I strive to be like her in many ways. The IF something happened today and I would be alone without my husband tonight, I’d be done. On the way to the hospital I thought about every disagreement, the last time I kissed him, literally everything. It makes me want to fast track our have kids in five years plan to, let’s just save a little more and go for it because I don’t want us to end with one of us. I like us. I love us. And I want more of us. So if you see me traveling like a maniac, working 6 jobs, and buying a house ASAP, it’s baby time.
But right now, it’s just us.
And I love us.
I’m taking our lifestyle in a very new and positive direction. I’ll be talking about the changes as they come as I would like to make a lot of them like a whole new diet, the products we buy, and our activities.
Enjoy the love in your life. Enjoy the journey.